I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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