bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
