i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm passing your future prison.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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