So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am one with the molecules
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
