I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
