She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
