hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize