Moan for me like Helen Keller
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
