hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I will die if light touches me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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