i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
