I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize