I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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