gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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