sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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