I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
