first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
