he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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