OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
