the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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