He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
