I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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