thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
