I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
