also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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