the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
