i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
