Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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