I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
