My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize