you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize