thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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