You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
