The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
