The maid of honor just puked.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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