if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
