every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
