New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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