i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize