i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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