piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
