so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
