I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
