Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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