at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
