In the future we'll all be gay
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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