Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize