I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
