I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
