I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
