I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
