No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
