We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
