i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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