I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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