you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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