Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
