really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
