My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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