was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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