I feel like I'm in dance class right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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