He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
