Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
