I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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