grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
