I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
