I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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